Sunday, 20 March 2011

Some mental and spiritual house work

I have to say that my mind is full of issues and questions and my brain is trying to keep up with and make sense of a flood of thoughts and feelings. Looking at Ian's work and images of the Sacred Heart has stimulated the flow of such a wealth of ideas that I cannot remember a time which I have been so 'bewitched bothered and bewildered', in the words of the song. I feel like an undergraduate again when every day I would be exposed to new ideas and theories and feel wonderfully giddy. I think that the use of an image to focus my thinking and feeling is a very powerful mode of trying to make sense of things. Ideas and feelings are coming thick and fast, but I am in no way overwhelmed. The more I reflect on the Sacred Heart, the more do I feel a sense of trust in the process of allowing sense and meaning to emerge from the interplay of thought and feelings. At the same time, prayer has a more intense function in relation to how I am thinking and feeling than I can ever recall experiencing. Prayer, as I remember from my catechism is the 'raising of the mind and heart to God.' But I think in the past I raised mind and heart as a kind of complete or integrated package. Now I feel it is more of a confused mess which is seeking help in sorting it out: prayer has become more of a dia- logos, rather than mono-logos. I feel my prayer is now more of a two way process: in which all I can offer is, well 'mess'. But as I have committed myself to placing 'all my trust' in the Sacred Heart I am not the least bit bothered by my confusion. The confusion is the prayer. Ian's blog on the water suggested to me that it is as if I have a number of streams or rivers of ideas which, for now, are flowing into one another. They are twisting and forming waves and whirlpools, but somehow I feel and think that these flows will, in time, sort themselves out. I feel like I have to do some housework to tidy up the mess created by this journey. The Martha in me wants to rush about and tidy up, clear away the rubbish and make the dinner. But the Mary in me has chosen the better part : to pray and listen. Who would have thought an icon could do this kind of thing? After a lifetime of being a right Martha.

No comments:

Post a Comment